Monkey Monitor

Monkey Monitor: Day 14 – It’s All Over

Part of my job includes delivering awful news and, more often, delivering news awfully.

Today it is delivering awful news awfully.

I asked Rep. Chris Herrod this afternoon why we hadn’t seen the text of his bill to decriminalize monkey bill and he informed me that he wasn’t going to move the monkey bill this session.

The monkey bill is dead.

It was like having your face clawed off by an angry chimp.

You’ve got to think that the monkey bill chances for passage would have been better if it somehow challenged federal authority or if legislative attorneys had deemed it to be unconstitutional. Those are the bills that seem to have jet packs this election year.

I still haven’t been able to figure out which lobbyist to blame for this bill’s downfall, although I have a pretty good idea. He knows who he is and I have this message: I’m watching you.

We can still hope that lawmakers decide to put some real effort into studying the issue during the interim and come back next year and rectify this injustice for our tailed brethren.

It seems like this song, “Monkey Gone To Heaven,” by The Pixies is appropriate.